Shane Bondy wanted to ask permission to call his adoptive parents mom and dad.
The 16-year-old waited until his siblings had gone to bed before he asked Amy and Mike Bondy whether it would be OK. He was worried his new brother and sister would think it was strange.
The couple told him he should ask the other kids. He got a thumbs up.
“It’s been not very long that we’ve known Shane, but it feels like he’s always been here,” Mike said. “I can’t imagine it any other way.”
Changes to Ontario’s adoption programs are helping other families like the Bondys go through the process and get support once the adoption is finalized.
The changes include making more families eligible for monthly funds, a new support program and more recruiters to help match kids with parents. They take effect over the next year and a half.
With the Bondys, the adoption process began about two years before they met Shane. The couple had already thought of adopting before giving birth to Hailey, 6, and Noah, 4.
They had worried it would be hard to raise children with special needs or medical conditions. But then Noah was born with a rare bleeding disorder. It sent them on some scary visits to the emergency room and to London for frequent medical treatment.
“If they had presented us with someone like Noah, with his medical needs, we would have said, ‘We can’t do it,'” Amy said. “Instead, we had him and there was no choice. You just step up, you learn and you can do it.”
The couple had put a zero to 10 age range on their adoption application, but were willing to adopt someone older if it felt right. Shane was 15.
“There are more challenges in placing children that are older, or children who have complex needs,” said Linda Goodhue, director of permanent services with the Windsor-Essex Children’s Aid Society. That’s why the government program gives parents about $950 a month per child to help cover the costs.
That program is being expanded. Parents who adopt children from eight to 21 years old can now apply. Before that it covered adopted children from 10 to 18. Families that earn $93,700 or less qualify.
Goodhue said the money can encourage foster families that want to adopt children in their care, but can’t afford it.
The first meetings between the Bondys and Shane were on neutral ground. They went fishing by the river, they got ice cream, they talked about woodworking and cars — things Shane and his dad have in common.
“It was a little overwhelming to start,” Mike said. “He was afraid we wouldn’t like him. We were afraid he wouldn’t like us.”
After two and a half months, Shane moved in. That was last September.
Since the family hadn’t known what age to expect, they had to convert Amy’s office into a comfortable bedroom for Shane. They started paying for riding and piano lessons. Shane also has some specials needs. The Grade 11 student will be in high school until he’s 21 because he’s in the STEPS program, which helps children with special needs.
The subsidy provided a monthly fund to help with some of the costs.
“With the subsidy, it also allowed Mike to take some time off to really allow the family to blend together well. It went well, but it’s challenging,” Amy said. “It takes some time.”
Mike said the family also set up opportunities for Shane, Hailey and Noah to spend time together, learning how to be siblings. They did some small family vacations, and went out in the community. Shane met all his relatives — cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents.
Most families try to adopt younger children, to avoid upsetting the birth order. Shane bumped Hailey out of the oldest child slot, which took some adjustment. Noah still teases that Shane is his younger — not older — brother.
The adoption was finalized in June. Although they still have contact with the Children’s Aid Society, Amy said the government’s new support network would help parents like them after the adoption, when questions about the transition come up.
The province is also funding more Wendy’s Wonderful Kids recruiters through the Dave Thomas Foundation. In 2007 Windsor was one of the first cities in Ontario to get one, who even helped with Shane’s adoption.
Children and youth working with a recruiter are nearly twice as likely to be adopted, and the odds of finding a family are even higher for children with mental health issues who work with the recruiter.
Last year, 24 children were adopted in Windsor and Essex County. Goodhue expects more than 30 this year. But there are more than 6,000 Crown wards eligible for adoption in the province.
“With Hailey and Noah, God’s plan was for us to meet them right from birth,” Mike said. “With Shane, he was always our son. We just didn’t meet him until recently.”
And what does Shane think about his family?
“This is forever,” he said with a smile.
