Twenty-one-year-old Allison, who asked her real name not be used, doesn’t remember why she started cutting herself at age 16, only that the physical pain of a razor blade slicing through her leg provided temporary relief from the emotional pain that seemed suffocating.
“The physical pain was easier to deal with than the emotional pain,” said Allison, who has battled depression and anxiety. “It was a distraction.
“It made me feel better when I did it and it also helped me forget about my problems.”
During the low-point of those three years of cutting, Allison would slice herself up to 30 times a day, usually late at night in a locked bedroom or bathroom. On a couple of occasions, she also burned herself.
“I was being bullied and was really anxious about going out in public or speaking in class,” said Allison, who has had only one cutting episode in the past two years and is now in post-secondary education.
“Doing that every day made me more depressed.”
The urge to cut one’s self is just one form of non-suicidal, self-injury (NSSI).
NSSI is the intentional destruction of body tissue without suicidal intent and not of a socially sanctioned natured such as a body piercing or a tattoo.
It includes such things as cutting, burning, scratching, biting, self-bruising, bone breaking, hair pulling, taking enough drugs to make yourself sick and provoking fights in hopes of getting pummeled.
The International Society for the Study of Self-Injury reports studies of secondary school and young adolescents have found 12 to 24 per cent of young people have self-injured. Most studies have found six to eight per cent of adolescents and young adults report current or chronic self-injury.
“It’s been an issue for a long time, but I would say it has become more prevalent in the past 25 years,” said Bethany King, a clinical psychologist at the Regional Children’s Centre.
“It’s a coping strategy. It’s a way to deal with strong emotions, depression, anxiety, stress . . . .
“Self-harming is a symptom of another problem, it’s not the problem itself. We have to get at the problem and treat it to have any hope of success.”
King estimates three to 10 per cent of the 1,800 new referrals the RCC sees annually involve self-injury.
Twenty-year-old Emma, who also requested anonymity, began cutting when she was about 11 and did it with increasing frequency and severity for the next eight years. Emma, who celebrated being cut-free for a year Jan. 1, feels NSSI is significantly under reported.
“People would be very surprised to know how prevalent this is,” said Emma, who also is in post-secondary education.
“It’s shocking. People think only crazy people do this.
“If you had a group of 100 younger people, I’d say up to 60 per cent of them have done it at least once. They’re just not in the statistics because they don’t admit to doing it to authorities.”
Emma started cutting with safety pins and scratching herself to deal with her anxiety. The reasons for her cutting ranged from anger or just to feel something other than numbness.
“I thought I deserved it,” Emma said. “It was self-loathing.”
The cutting became part of her daily routine. She’d hide blades in the back of her phone or pants or resort to dismantling a pencil sharpener.
“It got to the point where if I didn’t (cut), I’d feel anxious,” Emma said.
“If I didn’t have a blade on me at school, I’d get really anxious. I always cut when I came home after school.
“I even cut when I was happy. It became a way of controlling my emotions.”
The women said the cruelty of engaging in non-suicidal, self-injury is the secretive nature of the activity further isolates individuals who are already feeling isolated. The initial relief the two women felt from cutting quickly gave way to feelings of embarrassment and guilt about their actions.
“I felt so alone,” Allison said. “No one knew what I was doing for three months.
“I finally told a friend I thought wouldn’t abandon me. She had no idea, but she was very supportive.”
Allison said her parents found out only after things got so bad she was hospitalized.
The lengths the two women went to conceal their activities, such as long sleeves in summer, long shorts or not swimming, layered clothing, were remarkably similar. They shared a laughed when they learned they’d both taped sanitary napkins to their legs in case a cut opened up.
It’s their desire to help others battling the problem and to lobby for better mental health services that motivates them to discuss a past they’d preferred to keep buried.
Both women credit the services they’ve got through the Regional Children’s Centre (RCC), the RCC’s i-AM Youth Windsor group and the support network of family and friends they have built for being in a much better place in life.
“I want people to understand we’re not crazy or dangerous,” Emma said. “There’s still a terrible stigma around this that’s worse than other mental health issues.
“We don’t do it for attention. We’re not trying kill ourselves. It’s a way of coping.
“When people see my scars, I’d rather tell them I’d try to kill myself than that I cut myself because you get a more sympathetic reaction.”
King said the increase in self-injury cases being recorded is a result of several factors but singles out the tactic of using distraction as a one of the key differences from past generations.
“I’m seeing in this generation when they’re upset distraction, whether it’s giving them a phone or iPad, video game, is often the way of dealing with it,” King said.
“They’ve never been taught or learned how to deal with their feelings and they’re dealing with more significant stress and earlier.”
Greater Essex County District School Board social worker and attendance counsellor Alan Goyette will conduct two seminars on the issue Jan. 21 at Leamington’s Roma Club and Jan. 29 at Windsor’s Caboto Club.
“Our numbers have gone through the roof,” Goyette said.
“Typically it starts in Grades 6 to 8, but we’ve had a number of situations that started earlier (Grades 1 and 2).”
Goyette said social media has played a significant role in both the spread of knowledge about the issue, but also in aiding in the uncovering of NSSI.
A large percentage of cases are uncovered when other students bring it to the attention of a teacher.
“We’ve broken up half a dozen groups who were cutting last year,” Goyette said. “They don’t do it together, but they’re like-minded kids that are drawn together.”
Charysse Pawley, GECDSB’s supervisor of social work and attendance counselling services, said the board dealt with about 500 students last year with a third of those being for self-harming behavior.
There have been 147 students referred to the board’s crisis team since September with 48 of those being for self-injury.
“The students engaged in this cross all socio-economic classes,” said Pawley, who said the board’s stats don’t include students treated outside the school system.
“I’d say there’s more students classified as upper and middle class involved than those from lower socio-economic groups.”
Pawley said those engaged in self-injury generally choose an area of their body that can be covered easily, such as the stomach, upper thighs or arms.
“Sometimes they’ll write on their bodies their feelings,” Pawley said. “I’ve seen kids cut the words fat or ugly on their bodies.”
In years past it was thought females engaged more frequently in self-injury, but subsequent studies have found there isn’t that much of a gap between the genders.
“There’s really not a profile to this,” King said. “But what we have found is a lot of these kids have a history of abuse or neglect.”
Jennifer Klassen, a psychologist who was appointed Mental Health Lead for the Windsor-Essex Catholic District School Board in August, said she’s personally dealt with 10 NSSI cases since September. However, she said there have been significant numbers of students seeking help outside the school system.
“Schools almost always know before the parents do,” said Klassen, who has begun tracking NSSI cases for the WECDSB this fall. “It can be quite a shock and there’s frequently anger from parents.
“You’d hope the first reaction is to give their child a hug. I’ve yet to see that.
“The number one thing a child needs at that moment is love.”
Emma and Allison emphasized their lives didn’t begin to turn around until they talked to someone they trusted and sought out professional help.
Treatments are as varied the number of forms of self-injury, but centre largely on trying to have the child to engage in a positive or calming activity as a coping strategy when they sense a trigger requiring a stress or emotional release. A small, but intimate circle of people acting as support group for the child is also a pillar of any treatment program.
Success also doesn’t come over night. It can take years in some cases.
“I don’t want another 13-year-old girl to ruin her life because she’s doesn’t understand why she’s doing this,” Emma said.
“It’s difficult to talk about this, but we have to make people aware it’s not hopeless for them.”
dwaddell@windsorstar.com
Find Windsor Star on Facebook ![]()
![]()
